Wild monkeys and people

On our drive home, we pass some apartments:
Zoe:I wonder who lives there. It is probably monkeys and people. And animals.
JJ:Monkeys? Where?!?
Zoe:WILD monkeys and people.
JJ:Wild monkeys? I knew that.
Zoe:And wild people too. You didn’t know THAT.

Wombat Snakes are Dangerous (or the origin of Zombies)

JJ: Mommy, you need to be careful of the WOMBAT SNAKES!

Mommy: What are those?

JJ: They are DANGEROUS snakes that bite you then zip open your head and take your BRAINS!

Mommy: Oh my!

JJ: Yeah, and they go back to their babies and feed them the brains. Because that’s all they can eat. Brains.

Mommy: Yikes!

JJ: And sometimes they forget to zip up the people’s heads again. And that kind of hurts a little bit so the people have to go to the doctor to get their heads sewn up again.

Mommy: Without brains?

JJ: Yeah. Then the people are zombies like on your T-shirt. Looking for brains. Because the wombat snake took theirs.

Mommy: Where do the wombat snakes live?

JJ: Australia! They are part of the DEADLY DOZEN.

Mommy: Whew! I was worried there for a minute.

JJ:<slight pause as he looks around> AND PlanoTexas AND HoustonTexas! <adopts look of appropriate look of dramatic scariness>

Mommy: Oh NO! We’ll have to move!

JJ: <rethinking his comment> Well…the ones in Plano and Houston are NICE wombat snakes. They don’t eat brains, just the food that people bring them.

Mommy: How can you tell the difference between a bad wombat snake and a good wombat snake?

JJ: The bad baby wombat snakes all look MAD. But they’re not, they just have angry eyebrows. And the daddy wombat snake has angry eyebrows. And the mommy wombat snake has angry eyebrows. But they’re not really angry, they’re just bad. You can tell because they don’t have a happy face.

Saving dinosaurs

JJ: and there was a green wheel on the playground…
Zoe (interrupting): yeah! And the dinosaurs were eating ALL the whales. And then the river stopped them. Then they all fell in a mudpit. The dinosaurs were stuck but then a strange girl came along and SAVED them! And it was me, Zoe!
JJ: Are you going to let me talk?
Zoe: yes. (continuing to talk) …and the dinosaurs ate ALL the whales…

Dancing alligators

JJ: Look out for the alligator! If you look at it to long it will snap off your leg!
Zoe: Well, I am going to dance with the alligators. All the alligators will dance with me. Mama, can alligators dance?
Mommy: I’m not sure. I’ve never seen one dance but I haven’t seen that many alligators.
Zoe: Most alligators can dance.
JJ: Yeah, but YOU can’t dance with them because when they stopped they’d be starving and EAT you !
Zoe: No they wouldn’t because I’d bring them a snack.
Mommy: A snack?
Zoe: Yeah. A cheese and apples snack. That’s healthy.

Don’t answer

JJ’s latest song (in the car on the way to work):

If you call me, I won’t answer
If you call me, I won’t answer
If I answer I turn into a robot
So please don’t answer me
If I answer myself, I turn into a robot
So please don’t answer me
We’ve been this way before
We’ve been this way before
We’ve been this way before
We’ve been this way before
We’ve been this way before
(Mommy:Yes I know we’ve been this way before John.)
Robot robot, beep,beep, (other mechanical robot noises)