Parenting Story: Christmas Presents

Having kids at Christmas is awesome – it’s also really stressful, when it comes to getting presents.  Not picking them out so much, but trying to not get too many things and overspend. Every time I go to a website or store, everything looks so amazing and it would be super easy to just go into debt and buy the kids a bajillion things they don’t have room for anyway. Not to mention that this completely dilutes the meaning of the season.  So, to keep ourselves in check and manage the kids expectations, they get 4 gifts from us and one from Santa.  Their gifts are:

Something to Read
Something to Wear
Something you Want
And Something to Share

Share items can be a donation to a favorite charity or a play-doh set they all three use together. So far, so good!

“I’m just…”: Parenting Story

We try to teach the kids that they need to think through what they’re doing before they do it. Failing that, they need to fess up and deal with the consequences of their choices.  As a result “I’m just” or “I was just” are not really acceptable phrases, as it means some justifying excuse is coming next.  So, from an early age, they learned…

Child in trouble “Mom, I’m just…”

Me, interrupting “What does ‘I’m just’ mean?”

Child, sighing and resigned “I’m just about to get in trouble.”

Whatchamacallit – Beware!

Zoe: William and I decided there is a whatchamacallit so you better be careful!

Me: Oh no what does it look like?

Zoe: It’s huge! And purple and covered in greeeeeeen slime. And it hugs you so hard that you can’t breathe then eats you with its serious tusks. So you better watch out!

Spider in your pocket

Zoe: Mommy, sometimes I wish you could turn me into a spider so I could always be there when you need help with something. Like if you were in trouble you could take me out and I would turn normal and then I would take care of all the bad guys kapok!

Dress Codes: Parenting Story

It’s important to make sure your kids are presentable when they walk out the door. Of course, presentable means different things to different people. I go by the “meh, they’re kids” school of thought and pretty much let them wear whatever they want. This has, in turn, led to some rather…unique…outfits (tutu, jeans, spiderman sneakers and a tshirt?) but heck, they’re kids. We do, however, find it useful to have some very basic rules:

  1. If it’s tight on the top, make it loose on the bottom.
  2. If it’s tight on the bottom, make it loose on the top.
  3. Never wear tight tops and bottoms together. It makes you look like “people of Walmart

Come to think of it, that’s probably a pretty good set of rules for adults too…

There are Monsters On the Doorknob: Parenting Story

Parenting Story

We had a bout of illness in the house, so I needed to get all the door knobs and cabinet handles wiped down. Being incredibly lazy, I decided this was a perfect job for the kids.  I handed each of them an antibacterial wipe and told them:

“We’ve been invaded by really tiny monsters!  They are hiding out on the door knobs and cabinet handles all over the house – some might even be on toilet handles and things like that.  I need your help to hunt them all down and kill them with these magic cloths.”

15 minutes later they reported a complete rout and slaughter of all door handle monsters and their allies.  Long live the alliance!

A very useful plane

  
Zoe: Mommy, this is a picture of a plane I drew for you.

Me:Wow that’s really… Unique

Zoe: Yes! It has useful arms that can grab things like the ocean floor, or the landing pads, or a blanket if you need one, or even to get kids out of the house in an emergency.

Me: what’s all that on the bottom?

Zoe: oh that’s the landing pad – it’s covered in strings that it can grab onto with its fingers. But if it doesn’t have those strings like on the bottom of the sea it can just put out it’s extendo arms instead.

Hyena Squid are SO big

William: Mommy! Look out – there’s a hyena squid after us!

Me: Whoa! What’s it look like?

William: It’s a little purple.

Me: Is it little?

William: No!  It’s SO big.  And I dug a pit so we can capture it with this! (gesturing to the vacuum cleaner)

Me: Whew! Well, I’m glad we’ve got a plan.

Baked People

Zoe’s dream:

I dreamed that everyone was baked and they wanted to make me baked too. There was a big pot but it was covered with sticks so that you couldn’t see it but when you stepped on it you fell in. And then they would bake you and put buttons in your eyes. And when you came out of the pot you would take one last gasping breath and everyone would run away and then you would be one of the baked people.