You forgot your armor

Zoe: Mommy, this is a picture of you and I fighting monsters.
Mommy: Did we win?
Zoe: I won but you got eaten. Because you weren’t listening when I told you to put on your armor because you were playing with toys. But I saved you and grabbed you and carried you home and locked the door!”
Mommy: Whew – well at least I got out of that ok.
Zoe: Yeah but you should’ve put your armor on .

Sith dragon

So once upon a time there was a bad man named Sith and he died and went to hell. And he turned into a dragon and escaped by flying away. Then he made a nest in the high mountain and looked down and watched everyone. One say he saw a baby dragon and he picked him up and fed it and snuggled it and was good. The end.

Lemur terror birds

Lemur terror birds are highly dangerous meat eaters. They can run very fast and are covered in due. The lemur terror bird can’t fly but it is very smart and sneaky.

South American Prisons

Zoe: So this one time when I was in South America, I was in prison. I was there because I was throwing toys at houses.
Mommy: Was it scary?
Zoe: Yes! Because there were three bears in there. They were bad bears. They threw toys at their OWN house!
Mommy: Oh my! So what did you do?
Zoe I was sorry for throwing toys so mommy and daddy came and got me.
Mommy: What about the bears?
Zoe: They’re still there. They’re bad bears.

Move over Stephen King

Sarko Tony didn’t like the world. So he ran away with a good stranger.

Sarko Tony didn’t like the stranger cuz he was mean, so he killed her and cooked her and gave her to another nice stranger to eat.

Sarko Tony didn’t like the stranger so he ran far away.

Sarko Tony will not be here at the end of time. He will come and play then when the end of time comes he will leave.

Dragons, a miss, and a chance

Zoe: I’m going to tell you 3 stories. Once upon a time there was a dragon named, uh, no name. And she was walking along and another dragon came along and ate her!
Mommy: A dragon ate the dragon?
Zoe: Yes! And then once upon a time another dragon ate her!
Mommy: she got eaten twice?
Zoe: Yes! And this is the last story. Onceupon a time a pig was walking along and there was a big snake and a bunch of rats. And the rats ate her.
Mommy: The rats ate the snake?
Zoe: No! The rats ate the pig. And this is the last story. I’m going to tell you 5 stories. Once upon a time there was a dragon and a miss and a chance and a bunch of little snakes and…
Mommy: Wait – a miss and a chance ?
Zoe: No a mouse and a chance! And the dragon was walking along and the mouse bit him. The end.
Mommy: What did the dragon do?
Zoe: He just walked away. That’s all.

Mighty pink sword

Zoe: “Can we go in there (gesturing to a decorative pond)?”
Mommy: “No sweetie. It’s too cold and deep for us.”
Zoe: “And there are monsters at the bottom!”
Mommy: “Monsters?!”
Zoe: “Yes, and they will try to bite us and I will fight them with my pink glowing sword! And you will fight them with your black sword with pink eyes! And we will say ‘Go away monsters’ and we will kill it. And then another one will come and we will kill it.”
Mommy: “Whew! I hope we have a break after two monsters in a row.”
Zoe: “And then another comes! And I fights it! And that’s all just three.”
Mommy: “So we fought them together?”
Zoe: “Yes. You can fight monsters with me when you don’t grow up. When you growed up you are a parent and then you can’t fight them. But I can.”
Mommy: “So if I don’t grow up I can fight monsters with you?”
Zoe:”Yes, on Thursday.”

Rescue Giraffes

Zoe and Daddy talking about what to do when you get lost and who you ask for help. Having just covered that a policeman is a good source of help, Zoe started this story:

Zoe: I got lost one time.

Daddy: You did?

Zoe: Yeah, when I was out with my Dad.

Daddy: What did you do?

Zoe: I asked a adult for help.

Daddy: And then what happened.

Zoe: And the lady adult didn’t help me

Daddy: She didn’t help you? What did you do?

Zoe: So then I asked a policeman for help. And the policeman didn’t help me.

Daddy: The policeman didn’t help you?!?! Oh no! What did you do?

Zoe: Just then a giraffe came and picked me up and let me get on his back. And he gave me a ride to my mom and dad.

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Were there monkeys?

Zoe: I had a terrible day.
Mommy: Oh no! What made it terrible? Were there monkeys?
Zoe: Yeah!
Mommy: What did the terrible monkeys do?
Zoe: They hugged me and kissed me!
Mommy: Oh dear that sounds truly awful! And then what?
Zoe: Then they jumped all around and bit the floor. And I fell into the floor. And you came to get me but you fell in too and we were stuck.
Mommy: Stuck?
Zoe: Yes we were stuck. And then we were in the sky. And then we got out and went home.
Mommy: What a relief – then what happened?
Zoe: Nothing – that’s the end of my monkey story.

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A Good Crab Story

Zoe: So I’m going to tell you a story. I was in a lake when a crab grabbed me by the toe!
Daddy: Oh no!
Zoe: Yes, and then another one grabbed me! And another! And a nudder anudder anudder anudder until I was all grabbed all over!
Mommy: Yikes! You were covered in crabs!
Zoe: Yes. Because they loved me so much. But I didn’t like it so I said “go away! I’m going home!” and they all started to cry and scream. And then their mommy came.
Daddy: How big was the mommy?
Zoe: (gesturing very large shape with her hands) Veeerrrry big. And she said go on home so I did. But the crabs were still on me and they started knocking all over the house. They knocked on the walks and the floors and the chairs and the pizza and the mommy and the daddy and John and william and kimber and the cat and cups and and everything! And then the mommy crab came and got them and they went away back to their home in the sea. And went to bed.
Mommy: That was a pretty good story.
Zoe: Yes. It’s a good crab story.

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