I dreamed that everyone was baked and they wanted to make me baked too. There was a big pot but it was covered with sticks so that you couldn’t see it but when you stepped on it you fell in. And then they would bake you and put buttons in your eyes. And when you came out of the pot you would take one last gasping breath and everyone would run away and then you would be one of the baked people.
Once upon a time there was a King and a Queen and a Princess (that’s me mommy) and a Knight and a Dragon and they all lived happily in the castle and rode dragons and went on picnics and played every day. But there was ONE place that no one DARED to go – the black evil smoking lands of the (dramatic pause) OGRE! He was a mean awful horrible, um, DRAGON OGRE and he burned up everyone who came near him. And he ate nothing but rocks and LAVA BEANS. And no one would go there, not even the princess who was very brave and beautiful. Then one day the mommy queen went to the ogre and wanted to be friends but he said “If you are coming here to be eaten up then I will breathe fire on you!” and the mommy queen said “Would you like these lovely cookies I baked? Maybe they would taste better than rocks and lava beans.” And the ogre said he only liked rocks and lava beans so the Mommy Queen went home and baked a WHOLE batch of rock and lava bean cookies with special gloves so she wouldn’t get burned and brought them to the ogre who ate them up. And from that day forth the royal family could go into the forbidden lands whenever they wanted and ogre was their FRIEND and then he started liking chocolate chip cookies and cakes and stopped eating rocks and lava beans and was nice. THE END.
On overhearing that a friend’s house had been flooded and asking what had happened:
Me: Well, she had a leak in…
Zoe, interrupting: Maybe a giant came and took a giant watering can and opened her roof and poured water into her house while she was sleeping!
Me: Wow! That’s a great story!
Zoe: Mommy it’s NOT a story! It’s a LEGEND!
The man needs to be saved by the good snake. And then the bad snake stops the good snake. But the good snake wins. End of the story.
Ok, well the snail’s trying to get to his palace, over here. And then the bad, wicked witch tries to stop it. But the good wicked good witch does good things to help him get to his palace. The end of the story.
Zoe explaining her picture:
So, there’s this bad snowman and he is fighting the princess and she’s winning! But he’s still bad until a good bomb hits him and makes him into a good and glorious big snow man and they get married and live happily ever after.